THE BIRD RIOT

After three weeks in South American I made it home where I found three parcially minced mice on my silk carpet courtesy of my cat Jaba (who was fed regularly by a neighbor) But other then that the house was intact.
Except for the birdfeeder. No one had filled it in 3 weeks.
I have three feeders, two hanging that I filled with black sunflower seeds and a flat gound feeder I loaded up with small seeds.
Many times it takes a week or so for the birds to find the food. Today after 5 days a monster flock of birds arrived. It was a mixed species flock of grackles, redwing Black birds and unidentified sparrows. Along with the flock a Downy Woodpecker flew in and another flock of morning doves. In the middle of all this avian activity a grey squirrel jumped for the palm to the feeder and proceded to gorge himself. (I have the pole covered in vaseline to keep squirrels and racoons from climbing up to the feeder).
Add a great blue heron, black ducks, an anginga and moor hens in the lake and you have a lovely way to start the day.

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MATCH ME DOT COM – Issue 3

MATCH ME DOT COM – Issue 3

A few more observations on internet dating.

Chemistry: Everyone talks about chemistry as if cupid’s arrow is tipped with a magical chemical (formula unknown) that’ll send you scurrying to forever and ever happiness.  Mix a little oxygen twice as much hydrogen and light a MATCH (literally) and BOOM you get water.  That’s chemistry.

How many people marry on chemistry? Not many and those that do are divorced within 3 years.  Why?  Because they discover that chemistry is really INFATUATION. And the infatuation stage in any marriage (or close relationship) lasts 3 years.  How many divorces happen after the 3rd year?  A lot.  One looks at their partner and thinks, my heart is not racing like it use to when I first saw them.  So I must be out of love.  Give me a divorce.

Seven years is another milestone moment.

But once in a decade there is that magic moment, when the stars and the gods and the prevailing winds unite and you find that person who knocks you off your feet, drives you crazy literally – you can not stop thinking of them.  Of course it happens.  The question is, can you wait that long?

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BEAUTY QUEENS AND BULLS

As I once commented, for a young man seeking adventure Colombia has it all.
Now I can add that for middle-aged guy it ain’t all bad.
I just came back from a corrida, Death In The Afternoon, and in the hotel lobby was a bevy of Beauty Queens from all over the world.
Only wish I was 6′ 2″ tall. They all tower above yours truly.
But the bulls were good.

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SAFARI FINISHED 4th REWRITE

Finished the 4th rewrite of a novel I wrote before Killer ‘cane titled Safari.  I took Steven King’s advice and chopped off 20,000 words.  Like we say “Kill Your Children” when you rewrite.  Don’t spare the axe.  Get out the dead wood. You know, all the chliches.

MS went from 102,000 words to 83,000.  Not bad.

Now I’m back to writing Walking To Chrystal River, the book I want to write.

 

 

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MATCH ME DOT COM # 2

As I said I newly back into the dating scene and am trying MACTH.COM to find that “special” one, my soul mate, the love of my life, and most of all CHEMISTRY!

We’ll talk about Chemistry later. But first lets take a look at Match.com and profiles.
Profiles are an introduction. Long profiles with no paragraph breaks are boring and rarely read. So save the lengthy self-editorializing for Letters to the Editor.

Some of the lists of what a woman is looking for in a man remind me of the movie “Groundhog Day” when Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell are in a cafeteria and he asks her what kind of man she is looking for.
“He’s kind, sensitive and gentle. He’s romantic and courageous, intellectual, supportive and funny and he’s not afraid to cry in front of me.”
Murray then asks, “This is a man we are talking about, right?”

“No players need apply.” I’m sure this is going to stop a player.

“Be there, done that.” Sounds like someone very experienced and very used. A woman of the world perhaps but definitely not fresh. CLICK

“I’m selective and I know what I want and what I don’t want.”
We are all selective. That’s why we’re on Match trying to select a mate. Match equals select – selecting – selective. This is what profiles are about. For you to select. You do not have to broadcast that you are so good that you can be selective.
When I read, I’m selective I think, gosh I must be unworthy of this girl and pass on to the next profile but what I really hear is that I am uncompromising and I can imagine how that is going to work out in a relationship. CLICK

TIME: Some of women think that if they are on Match men think they are desperate and many profiles read: I not desperate, I’m in no rush. I want to take my time.
Time is all well and good and I’m not saying jump into the sack on the second date. But we are all in our forties and fifties and soon we’ll be in our sixties and seventies and I know I do not want to be on Match at seventy-five!

Do You?

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Palm Beach Writers

Monday night we had Jacqueline Whitmore talk to the Palm Beach Writers Group. Jacqueline, an etiquette expert, discussed her experiences as a published author. She is author of “Business Class: Etiquette Essentials for Sucess at Work” and her latest book is “Poised for Sucess.” For me as a published author I was most interested her experiences in using social media to promote her book. Very important for any author. I wrote “The Author’s Self-Promotion Manual: How to Get You Book Into the Bookstores and Off the Shelves,” a few years ago and the book world has changed radically.
Thank you Jacqueline.

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MATCH ME DOT COM

MATCH ME DOT COM

I recently entered the dating scene after a decades long hiatus. Since I do not hang out at bars or the present-day hot spot – does this read boring? – intrepidly I joined an on-line dating site.  While there are many sites, the one that seems to get the most attention was Match.com.  I was surprised by the large subculture that exists with on-line dating.

I’ll concentrate on women’s profiles as they are the ones I enjoy looking at.  I’m sure the men’s profiles have quirky submeanings also.
There is an entire vocabulary that concentrates mostly on weight:
Slender means slim 60% of the time.
Athletic and toned means no extraneous fat 48% of the time.
About average equals generous love handles.
Curvy is definitely fat.   For chubby-chasers only.
And a few extra pounds means next stop the fat farm.

Age: We all want to be younger.  Hey, I had a gas when I was 16 but I ain’t a teenager any more.  One’s age can be within 6 years if you look it.  A lot of women will post that they are 49 or 59 even though they are older for searches (few 51 year-old women want to attract a 69 year-old man).   I have no problem with this because so many women look much younger then they are.

More that one lady has complained that men are more notoriously liberal with their ages.   Come on, if you do not look like your photos, who the hell are you kidding.  That’s why mirrors were invented.

There is a Match.com protocol that takes learning: The first email should be short and sweet. No rambling about what a great match you both are, or just concentrating on telling her how beautiful she is or what a great body she has.

After a few emails and an exchange of phone numbers (many women prefer that the man makes the first call), a first call up goes something like this:
“Hi I’m Robert.”
“Who?”
Clear throat. “Robert.”
“Do I know you?”
“Robert from Match.com,” in a whisper.

I now say “M.com,” in case colleagues are within ear shot.
Who wants the world to know you can’t get a date.

Okay it’s Friday afternoon and I still don’t have a date.
Back to Match.

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ROLLING THROUGH SPAIN

Rolling through Spain. From Madrid to Trujillo, Extramadura where Francisco Pizzaro set out to conquer Peru. Stayed at the bull ranch of Maestro Cesar Rincon and watched a working tentadero. Today made Huelva, the town Colombus left the Old World to discover the New or at least discover it for Europeans again.
This evening I’ll watch the sunset over the Atlantic Ocean from the beach as I have done sunrises on the other side in Florida.

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THE INCURABLE DISEASE CALL TRAVELING

As my readers know I’ve got it bad. Been stricked for years now maybe all my life. I’m seriously infected with the travel disease. I love to go. Some would say flee but here I am again in Spain after a rather rough drive up the East from Florida to Maine and back. And as usual, I write more. Not necessarily better. The words flow better.

September is the month of the vendemia the grape harvest up north, first, mostly tempranillo (the early grape) the staple of La Rioja wine. Eating grapes are plentiful and big and sweet.

I did make two novillas, and Juan Viriato cut two ears and two best faenas. Now heading out for El Torreon, the ranch, for a couple of days before heading down to Cadiz and sampling some of the best seafood tapas in the world.

Don’t pity me until the next trip.

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HURRICANES AND EARTHQUAKES

HURRICANES AND EARTHQUAKES

It’s not everyday I take a 4,000 mile drive, experience an earthquake and a hurricane within four days.
On my drive up the east coast, a drive I had done scores of times before but not recently, I wanted to stop and visit friends and family whom I have not seen in a while. Flying does that. I have done the Boston to Miami and Venice (Florida’s west coast) with my parents and sisters, alone, and then again with my family. My father had a love affair with Florida ever since as a fraternity initiation he and other brothers had to hitch-hike from Up State New York to Miami. He left 14 feet of snow and in 3 days was in paradise. Each year he’d pack up the family and head to Florida. I-95 was only a dream then and South Of The Border was a road side stand selling trinkets and soda on US Route 1.

The ostensive objective of my journey was the wedding of my Godchild in New Hampshire. Stops included, Washington D.C., West Virginia, Maryland, New York, Cape Cod, Boston, Maine, and New Hampshire; an ambitious itinerary.

The Washington earthquake hit while I was driving in New Jersey. Having lived in the Andes I was use to earthquakes or tremors. However, unless you are in a catastrophic quake, you do not feel anything driving in a car and I felt nothing though the apartment I was to stay at in Boston evacuated due to sway.

Hurricane Irene was a different story. While in Virginia the spaghetti models all showed Irene was to hit Palm Beach. If that was the case I’d have to return. After WV and DC I parked the car on the beltway and I-95 and on my new Android checked the weather. The storm was veering to the east. So I headed north.

It was a hard ride but I met most of my objectives and as a bonus was given 2 bottles of 30 year old Rioja wine by an old college friend who collects wine. I was also given a pre-Civil War buffalo rifle, a couple of 1800 cutlasses and my trust .308 Bushmaster.

The wine is resting in the wine cellar to be drink when it recovers from the ride (say one month). The buffalo rifle waits to be restored along with the cutlass and .308 is locked away.

WHile a long ride I wrote well and though I arrived home exhausted I have high hopes for the future and new writing ideas.

Writing does that.

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